I Loved Really Hard!!!

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Finally I took the time to let down my guard
I tore down the brick wall I had built by hand
It surrounded my heart so no one could enter in
I let all ideas of unfaithfulness leave me

Finally I decided to be me
I wanted to be free and allow myself true love
My destiny for sure had it pinned for me
So I gave him my heart endlessly

Unconditional love was no big feat for me
Especially when it came to this one particular human being
He seemed so innocent yet filled with mystery
If I had known the darkness that lurked behind I would never have peeked

We fell in love and I believe I fell harder than he...
I gave him my heart and he seduced me
Charm after charm as his soul spoke to me
I even prayed and asked the Almighty was he really for me?

Was it okay that I had let down my guard and ventured into uncharted waters?
Sure we had some rough patches all couples do
However when mistrust and infidelity comes in, it hurts like hell
Oh and yeah it wasn't just him, me too

Ya see when I found out he was emotionally cheating
And having conversations with several women
Longing for them, spending time with them and only God knows what with them
I turned to a friend who was there for me and because I was vulnerable
Well we talked a lot and shared much, soon his comfort was appreciated and needed

How could I go on doing the same as what my hubby had done to me?
My husband, my soulmate, had become the deceiver
I could no longer trust him nor he trust me, Jealousy and rage had become our feast
We tried counseling, medications, meditation, crystals, and sage

But those demons just would not behave..
Finally I had to make a decision to let go
Its either him or peace for my soul.. I choose peace
I pray that he will get the help he needs

Not only were we plagued with infidelity but mental illness as well
There wasn't anyone who could tell us our relationship would fail
Yet here we are at the end of our road and unfortunately
Neither of us wants to go.. Our hearts have been padlocked

Yet the universe shows it very clear
There is nothing left in this union
Nothing at all my dear.. So I say my good byes
And make this one thing Clear I have never loved a man

The way that I loved him... I found myself again and again in this union
Now the reflection no longer seen through smoke mirrors
I will always love him it is true, however oddly enough I love Me more than I love Him.
I loved hard and now thats done.. I can go back to loving just me.. just One.

Copyright © 2018 Queen Kenya



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